Picking a Partner by George Brewer

George Brewer lives and plays at The Villages in Florida.  He writes a column for a local newspaper

Picking a Partner

You are at the courts and a large number of potential partners have been assembled there for your approval. There they are the whole tribe of them, all lined up waiting to be chosen. You have no idea who any of these people are and you are not permitted to question any of the candidates. You must make a selection based solely on what you see standing there in silence.
How do you decide?

• Male or female, I don’t care; I’d pick the one whose arms are so long their knuckles drag on the court surface when they walked in.
• Never! Let me say again, never, play with anyone holding a wooden paddle.
• If the only courts you play on are outside, pass on anyone whose skin shows no evidence of being in the sun for a long time.
• The first thing I’d do before making a decision is check their ankles. Avoid anyone wearing a house arrest ankle bracelet.
• If a candidate is wearing a back pack make sure you don’t make a decision before checking it for a portable oxygen tank.
• Anyone carrying a paddle in their left hand and a chair in their right isn’t in the match for the long run.
• Never select a partner whose spouse intends to coach from the side lines.